cling.

When I look back, my times of deepest pain and sorrow have also been my sweetest times with Jesus. To be in a place where nothing [nothing] can bring about any relief whatsoever but Jesus Christ. Even then, I wouldn't consider it "relief" but the only thing you have hope in to keep your heart beating. This may sound a bit dramatic- but, this is really how I've felt at times. Maybe you've been there before, and know what I'm talking about. If not, I hope you go there one day soon [as terribly painful as it is]- to experience truly clinging to Jesus. Clinging to Jesus.

Today, Jason Upton came to my school to do a short one-hour sharing and q&a time. It was so refreshing. It was all about Jesus. I think Christians would be so better off if every sermon was always pointed toward Jesus. The moment Jesus is reduced or eliminated, there are major problems. Jesus is everything. Jesus is who hung on the cross bearing my sin and shame. Jesus is the one who conquered death. And Jesus is the one returning for a [pure] bride with fire in his eyes. Keep my eyes focus on Jesus- the author and perfecter of my faith. There will always be something new to discover and learn about Jesus. Cultivating a wonder about God is so necessary for a Christian. 

Jesus is so real. 

he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.

For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth

visible and invisible

whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities

all things were created by him and for him.

he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 

and he is the head of the body, the church

he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead

so that in everything he might have the supremacy

for God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him and through him to reconcile to himself all things

whether things on earth or things in heaven 

by making peace through his blood shed on the cross

[to present you holy in his sight- without blemish and free from accusation]

Colossians 1:15-20;22

me and my chevy cavalier.

So, I'm used to making long road trips by myself, but today was particularly difficult. 

I just wanted someone in the passenger seat. A little company, you know?

Eight hours alone (and no cruise control) gets wearing. It would be much more delightful with a friend.

I did get to talk to my dear friend, Ashley. But, not for long for fear of my cell phone battery dying.

Also, stopping to get gas and snacks isn't nearly as fun alone. It's actually not fun... I am usually paranoid of being abducted or mugged. (notice the short phone conversation to save battery)

It is nice though sometimes to go on long road trips alone, because it gives me time to think and pray.

I try to pray more than I think. Sometimes, for me, the less thinking the better.  

I sang a lot. And widened my knowledge and variety of country music.  (reference blog forgiveness, joy and country music)

I took a new route, which was kind of exciting. 

I drove through the "Pickle Capital of the World" today (Mount Olive, NC).

I didn't know there was such a place until today- I feel pretty lucky to have seen it with my own eyes.

Again, an event that would have been much more fun with a friend. 

The trees became more and more beautiful as I drove north. It is fall for sure.

I left NC with the air conditioning on and arrived to MD with the heat on. 

It's amazing how tiring sitting in a car for eight hours is. 

Now that I'm home and ate some Chinese take-out with Mom and Dad, I'm gonna watch a movie with Mom. 

Tomorrows agenda: find Mom a dress for Sonny's wedding. 

My brother will be a married man in 17 days!

And my last words for this little blog- Thank you, Jesus. I am so thankful for the one sure thing that brings me peace and hope- Jesus Christ. 

Peace out.

forgiveness, joy and country music.

[forgiveness]

Reaching deep inside, swallowing your pride, and forgiving, brings freedom.

Thank you, Jesus. It is only because of the goodness of Jesus Christ that I have the grace to truly forgive.

Living with unforgiveness in your heart puts a thick brick wall between you and freedom [and joy].

Forgive those who have wronged you (whether they have asked forgiveness or not). Ask forgiveness to whom you feel necessary- if in doubt, it's better to just ask forgiveness than not. And, forgive yourself.

Then, close your eyes. Breathe deeply. And smile.

Be free. And full of joy.

 [joy]

I have come to realize that joy is not an emotion.

Joy is not happiness. Happiness can be a manifestation of joy. But it is not joy itself.

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Along with love. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control. 

None, which at its core, is an emotion. 

The fruits of the Spirit are character. 

(this all is huge for me... I'm truly learning what joy really is)

So, joy is character. Which has the potential to grow. or wither. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" James 1:2-3

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

Could joy be best defined in seasons of hardship? heartbreak? suffering? pain? mourning?

It seems so contradictory to what I've always believed joy to be. 

Joy, I believe, is very closely related to hope.

You hope in things that have not yet happened. Joy is a motivation behind hope.

So, joy may not just be laughs and smiles and bliss after all.

[country music]

Anyways, I've been listening to a lot of country/bluegrass/folk music. Which is kinda weird for me- I've never been into country music. But, I'm lovin it right now.

It gives me this homey, happy, sentimental feeling. I feel like I can relate to so many of the stories told in country music. I've caught myself saying "That's right, girl!" or "Amen" to certain songs. 

That's all I have to say for now :)

peace. life.

My heart has so much peace right now.

The cool air outside... sun brightly shining... a quiet home with a soft song playing in the background... and reflecting.

I have been so blessed.

The Lord has allowed times of complete fullness and bliss. He has also allowed times of complete emptiness and sorrow. He's been there through every moment. Every single second of my entire life. He's never not been there. Nothing comes into my life that is not allowed by Him. He has always been faithful. He will always be faithful. While I sit here and reflect on the good times and bad, I am filled with peace.

I am so. so. so. thankful I serve a good God.

Thank you, Jesus, for your goodness.

So life.

Virginia Beach is my new home.

I live on the ocean. Not just near the ocean... but on the ocean. It's a 2 minute walk away.

I live with two dear friends whom were also my roomies at the Honor Academy.

Regent University is my new school. Only three years til I graduate! [I can't think about it too long...].

I'm the education coordinator for International Justice Mission- Regent. Stop trafficking.

I go to a good church. Multi-cultural. [love that].

My [only] brother is getting married in 27 days. Whoa.

I will have a sister!

I have the greatest Mom and Dad in the world. The older I get the more I appreciate them.

I want to start planning my next out-of-the-country adventure. To take place in summer 2011.

Babysitting and practicum hours in a classroom bring me joy. I love watching little ones learn and grow.

My heart is messy. God is faithful.

broke.

...there's a sweetness when my heart is breaking
...there's a calmness when my soul is aching
...it is a God who can sympathize in my weakness

The heart is a messy thing. It can bring about revelation of complete truth. It can also deceive beyond belief. I have experienced both in full. The heart- what an amazing creation. Through everything my heart feels, thinks, believes, and wants to believe, I must compare it to God's Word. However, that does not mean I always do that. I am human. And recently, I experienced how human I really am- how prone I am to wonder. How easy it is to turn my back on truth. The brokenness I feel is overwhelming at times. And, the grace of God I experience is overwhelming at times. I know I serve a good God. I have experienced His grace and mercy in my life in new ways and for that, I am so thankful. My broken heart, my aching soul, will be healed. It will be restored. I am redeemed.

I wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror and speak truth. "I am God's daughter", "God is my defense", "I will walk in His grace and mercy today", "The Lord's blessings and goodness are all around me", "I am beautiful and desirable in His sight"... on and on and on. I've become so dependent on God- I've learned to lean on Him and lean on His truth everyday. The way I am describing this sounds wonderful... beautiful... like I am in a season of contentment- for what is better than leaning completely on the Lord? It is wonderful... and beautiful... I am content at times... but honestly, it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To trust God when there seems to be no hope in sight- but that's faith. God will do what he has to do to refine and purify His children... to grow in love and faith. To perfect, if you will, the fruits of the Spirit. So through this season of brokenness, hurt, and sometimes darkness- I am sure of one thing. I am a child of God. For He disciplines and teaches His children whom He loves.

Picture by: Cheryl Shibley