My beautiful Grandma Moy went to be with Jesus a year ago today. Her prayers, I believe, have a lot to do with why I never went off the deep end. She had such a precious, intimate relationship with the Lord. I miss her so much. I drove the long way into Annapolis today (to do a little Christmas shopping) just to drive by her neighborhood to remember what it felt like. I cried. I remember seeing her at her funeral. She had sewn a dress for herself years before for this very occasion. I was so afraid to go up and see her. When I mustered up enough courage up to go see her along side with my brother and aunt, I had this incredible peace come over me. I knew she was with Jesus. I was envious for a moment that she was with him. Really with him. She was beautiful in pink wearing her pearls. What a good woman. I miss her so much it hurts.
2010 has been the most challenging year of my life. I am only 22, and I'm sure harder seasons will come, but man was it tough. The Lord has graciously ushered me into a new season and for the past two months I have been loving living life. I am so thankful. There is one thing I do miss however, and that is how in those moments of complete brokenness, Jesus Christ was the only thing keeping me going. I was so utterly dependant upon the Lord. He walked through that season along with me... so beautifully close to me. Now that I'm in this new season- so content... so full of joy... so thankful... I miss the desperation I had for God before. I want to experience that same act of clinging to Jesus with the same intensity now, as I did in a season of pain. How do you cultivate that? It's easy to cultivate when you're in a hard season. All I know to do is to be continually thankful to him, and pray for grace to love and desire him as he should be loved and desired. He is so faithful. And I know he loves me. I know it.
I get messed up when I don't spend time with the Lord like I should. A friend once prayed over me something like this a few years back, "Lord, let her be miserable when she is not close to you". The Lord liked that prayer, and blessed me with the gift of being a messy, confused, anxious person when I don't seek the Lord like I know I should/need to. Again, I know he loves me. This is a sign of it for sure.
I want to open an orphanage one day. It most likely won't be anytime soon. I don't care where. Africa, Asia, South America, where ev. A place for children with essentially no hope of a future to be well educated, well fed, well cared for, well loved, and told their worth in Jesus Christ every single day. This is my dream. I hope it will happen one day... one day.
In the mean time, I am so thankful for the life the Lord has blessed me with. I want to do what he wants me to do. So for now, I'm taking it one day at a time. I don't want to miss a thing. I know he has good things in store for my life. He is a good God. So good.
Thank you God- I love my family. I love my friends. I love my church. I love my school. :)
2011 is so near. And I am so ready. Usually, New Years is a sad holiday for me, because I feel that it is ending a chapter (and forget a new one is beginning)... but this year, 2011 couldn't come sooner. I will be dancing, singing, laughing and praising Jesus. Literally. I am going to onething KC. :) The best part is I get to do this with my friends.
Now, to end with a little Jason.
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