today, I nanny.

the end.

life is meant to be lived.

Short blog.

Here are my thoughts.

Looking at my planner- something I go nowhere without- I started to feel overwhelmed. Each day is packed full of lots to do. Now, there was a day where my days were packed full of absolutely nothing and longed for the day to have a scratched up planner again. I'm living in those days. So I quickly reminded myself, do not get overwhelmed! Life is meant to be lived! Right? So live it! Pack your days (with an occasional Sabbath- Lord knows we all need a Sabbath- it is good and biblical to rest). And pack it with purposeful things. Wake up early (something I am learning to do not necessarily by choice- but it is so good for me). Drink coffee (or tea...). And live live live. I love being in my 20s. I do not wish these moments away. I like school. I like church. I like nannying. I like meetings. I like friends. I like family. I like my life. So my advise- live. and thank God for your life. Embrace whatever season you're in. Even if it's a hard one :)

I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

The Lord does what he has to do to make you more like Him. If you truly love him and desire to be like him he will be faithful to refine you and sanctify you. And, most of the time, it hurts.

The Lord took me through a season of brokenness, confusion, and loneliness. This season was not short. It was about a year and a half total, intensifying month to month. I wasn't sure how much more I could handle. But God was faithful. And he knew what he was doing. 

The Lord had grace on me and helped me to chose to cling to him instead of other things during this season. There was such a sweetness in my relationship with God during this season. I felt I had only him. 

Vulnerability: I literally cried myself to sleep every night January to May- then again August to October in 2010. 

Jesus was there.

As I spent this season crying out to God- crying out the Psalms of desperation to him, because I truly identified with them...

To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.

I am worn out for groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.

I was so thankful a man after God's own heart, David, felt such deep sorrow like I did. It was in crying these words out to God I didn't feel so alone. And I knew I wasn't going crazy :)

Though I could not see the end of this season- or knew if it would ever end- the Lord saw it. The beginning to the end. Of this season. Of my life. Of the entire world. God doesn't live in time. He is in the moment he created the world. And, he is in the moment he makes everything new. 

He was strategically isolating me to draw me into him. He was strategically allowing hardship in my life to press into him with more desperation. He was strategically opening and closing doors in my life to lead me into a new season.

Friends, I am in a new season. 

He has supplied all my needs. He has blessed me. And, he has made me new. I am new. I am not the same person I was this time last year. Praise God for his refining fire. It was all done in his love. 

I am more thankful than before.

I trust God more than before.

My view of his love has expanded.

My view of his sovereignty has expanded.

I have joy.

I have peace.

My weeping has turned to laughing.

My mourning into dancing. 

He redeemed and restored me.

This is real.

I am new.

I cried myself to sleep last night. Not tears of sorrow this time. Tears of thankfulness.

I can find no more words to express how thankful I am to Jesus. So, this is the end of my blog update.

non-stop new year.

The month of December flew by. So much to do in so little time. Every second was exhausted. For New Years, me and a few friends made our way to Kansas City, MO for the onething IHOP conference. It was quite the adventure getting there, being there, and getting home- but I'm not going to go through all the ins and outs of that. Instead, I'll just show you a few pictures...

We saw a beautiful frosty sunrise in Illinios...

Saw the Arch in St. Louis...

snapped an awesome pic at the conference...

saw my good friend, Courtney...

had fun watching the sun set by a bridge...

let Eric do his daily exercises...

had a little photo shoot with one of my dearest friends...

Sonny and Sarah even came!...

we met Superman...

and also met Elvis in Nashville.

I am so thankful for all the fun I've had. 

I feel blessed to have gone to onething again this year. I had been praying for a way to go, and the Lord worked everything out- He is faithful... even about wanting to go to a conference. There is nothing too small for the love of God (Corrie Ten Boom...). 

The conference wasn't life changing or anything like that for me- but it was so, so, so refreshing. It was exactly what my heart needed. The reality of Jesus Christ as a man was a theme throughout the conference (at least to me). One song we sang, very simple, but so powerful brought me to tears, God, you became a man. You put on flesh. You're so beautiful. Wow. You read it but really just think about that for a few minutes. God. became a man. Jesus is so worthy. 

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15

It is so comforting to know that the God I serve knows what it's like to live here on the earth- to be human- subject to sin. Thank you, God.

I could go on and on and on. My heart is so full right now. Knowing where I was a year ago and where I am today is a testimony of the grace, mercy, and love of God in my life. He is so real to me and I love Him. I am excited about 2011 and I truly believe the Lord has some great things in store for my life this year. So with His grace to be faithful, I will follow Him. Let's go 2011!!