I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

The Lord does what he has to do to make you more like Him. If you truly love him and desire to be like him he will be faithful to refine you and sanctify you. And, most of the time, it hurts.

The Lord took me through a season of brokenness, confusion, and loneliness. This season was not short. It was about a year and a half total, intensifying month to month. I wasn't sure how much more I could handle. But God was faithful. And he knew what he was doing. 

The Lord had grace on me and helped me to chose to cling to him instead of other things during this season. There was such a sweetness in my relationship with God during this season. I felt I had only him. 

Vulnerability: I literally cried myself to sleep every night January to May- then again August to October in 2010. 

Jesus was there.

As I spent this season crying out to God- crying out the Psalms of desperation to him, because I truly identified with them...

To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.

I am worn out for groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.

I was so thankful a man after God's own heart, David, felt such deep sorrow like I did. It was in crying these words out to God I didn't feel so alone. And I knew I wasn't going crazy :)

Though I could not see the end of this season- or knew if it would ever end- the Lord saw it. The beginning to the end. Of this season. Of my life. Of the entire world. God doesn't live in time. He is in the moment he created the world. And, he is in the moment he makes everything new. 

He was strategically isolating me to draw me into him. He was strategically allowing hardship in my life to press into him with more desperation. He was strategically opening and closing doors in my life to lead me into a new season.

Friends, I am in a new season. 

He has supplied all my needs. He has blessed me. And, he has made me new. I am new. I am not the same person I was this time last year. Praise God for his refining fire. It was all done in his love. 

I am more thankful than before.

I trust God more than before.

My view of his love has expanded.

My view of his sovereignty has expanded.

I have joy.

I have peace.

My weeping has turned to laughing.

My mourning into dancing. 

He redeemed and restored me.

This is real.

I am new.

I cried myself to sleep last night. Not tears of sorrow this time. Tears of thankfulness.

I can find no more words to express how thankful I am to Jesus. So, this is the end of my blog update.