A Christmas Blog.

Merry Christmas Friends.

I'm currently lounging in my bed in my new fleece jammies listening to "Classical Christmas" on Pandora. Simply snuggly. 

This Christmas is unlike any other before. This is my first Christmas not at home in Maryland. This year has been a whirlwind of change, so it only seems proper. This is also the first Christmas Eve my brother and I have spent apart. Every Christmas Eve we would have a little party upstairs. I remember one year, I think I was 4 and he was 6 we got ourselves so worked up over Santa coming, we both threw up. Such good memories. As we got older, we would stay up all night playing games, watching movies, and talking. He too had a whirlwind of a year and is currently at his new home with his beautiful wife... and dog... and cat... and fish. So, Instead of partying with my bro, I blog :)

This is the Moy's first Christmas ever with a FAKE tree. Though it lacks the wonderful foresty scent, it sure is pretty. 

I made the fam cute stockings for the mantel. Personalized of course.

I also made a little snowman cake and cupcakes.

Then, Dad gave me a little lesson on wine. It went a little something like this: "Jess, try these two wines and tell me which one you like more"...... "Meh, neither"

Sonny and Sarah stopped back in before they headed home for the night, to get their matching polar bear jammies from my parents... so we got a little brother/sister/husband/wife/sister/sister shot.

And the festivities shall continue tomorrow...

So now, I will spend the rest of this night cozied in my bed, listening to some peaceful Christmas hymns, spending time with Jesus. I am so thankful for being grafted in- He is so gracious. And if there is one thing I know of the Lord- it is that He is faithful. The Lord and I have a history together, and He has proven Himself time and time again. I am so thankful.

Merry Christmas

 The people walking in darkness
   have seen a great light;
on those living in the land of deep darkness
   a light has dawned.
You have enlarged the nation
   and increased their joy;
they rejoice before you
   as people rejoice at the harvest,
as warriors rejoice
   when dividing the plunder.
For as in the day of Midian’s defeat,
   you have shattered
the yoke that burdens them,
   the bar across their shoulders,
   the rod of their oppressor.
Every warrior’s boot used in battle
   and every garment rolled in blood
will be destined for burning,
   will be fuel for the fire.
For to us a child is born,
   to us a son is given,
   and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
   Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
   Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace
   there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
   and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
   with justice and righteousness
   from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
   will accomplish this.

Isaiah 9:2-7

DC's pretty neat.

I spent a fun weekend with two good friends in DC. We certainly exhausted our time together. I'm still recuperating.

Let's start at the beginning...

The three of us were planning on heading out of VAB around noon on Friday. When it took me an hour and a half on the snowy roads to go about 14 miles, I knew we'd probably have to wait... to kill some time, we took some creative pics with our friend, Eric.

Around 7:30 we figured the roads would mostly be plowed and we should head out. Halfway through the trip my windshield wiper fluid froze (we weren't sure what was wrong with it at the time, but my mom admitted to me yesterday that she had put windex in it last time I was home instead of wiper fluid.... which doesn't freeze). The salt was caked on my wind shied so thickly, I had to stop and do something about it...

Around 12:30am we finally made it to my house. We stayed up til about 2am doing push ups...

The next morning, Tim headed out super early to DC, while Kelc and I slept a little more. We headed out the the metro and arrived in DC around 11. We first went to the Smithsonian- Natural History.



We saw dinos...

an elephant...

...and a bunch of other cool stuff we didn't take pictures of.

Then, Tim met up with us and we headed to the Capitol...



piggy backs!



jump!



We ate a quick lunch...



yummy yum yum



Then we proceeded to get a tour of the Capitol building by Tim's friend, Robby. Whom is now Kelcey's and my friend as well.



giving Abe a little love



Robby's so smart





America the Beautiful




circle of friendship



We toured the Capitol for a couple hours... it was a blast! I didn't know the Capitol was so fun.

We then headed out to Union Station for just a few minutes to hop on the metro and found a big Norwegian-American Christmas tree!

We headed home to celebrate my Dad's Birthday. Unfortunately, all of his sisters were sick with some stomach flu... so the party was little. Just my mom, Kelc, Sonny, Sarah, me and a couple of my neighbors.

caught Daddy mid-blink. oops!

Kelc and I started the next day getting our hair cut! Then we drove to Robby's house to meet up with Tim. We started the day at the Eastern Market (I think...)

mmm hot dog

 

market!

 

yummy cookies and croissants



After our adventure in the market, we went to Chinatown. Now, I was a little disappointed with Chinatown. I def didn't feel like I was in a different country.  

china china!

We were kinda wore out at this point, so we relaxed for a bit in a Starbucks then headed back to Robby's for a bumpin Christmas party!

Me, Kelc and Robby

friends :)

Later that night we ventured out and got a late night shot by the Capitol!

Robby was kind enough to open his home to Kelc and I to stay the night at "Hotel Robby". The next morning Tim, Kelc, and I headed to a yummy brunch. Before parting ways, Tim prayed for all of us and we said our good-byes.  

If I could sum up this weekend in one simple phrase, it would be this:

this is real life.

My beautiful Grandma Moy went to be with Jesus a year ago today. Her prayers, I believe, have a lot to do with  why I never went off the deep end. She had such a precious, intimate relationship with the Lord. I miss her so much. I drove the long way into Annapolis today (to do a little Christmas shopping) just to drive by her neighborhood to remember what it felt like. I cried. I remember seeing her at her funeral. She had sewn a dress for herself years before for this very occasion. I was so afraid to go up and see her. When I mustered up enough courage up to go see her along side with my brother and aunt, I had this incredible peace come over me. I knew she was with Jesus. I was envious for a moment that she was with him. Really with him. She was beautiful in pink wearing her pearls. What a good woman. I miss her so much it hurts.

2010 has been the most challenging year of my life. I am only 22, and I'm sure harder seasons will come, but man was it tough. The Lord has graciously ushered me into a new season and for the past two months I have been loving living life. I am so thankful. There is one thing I do miss however, and that is how in those moments of complete brokenness, Jesus Christ was the only thing keeping me going. I was so utterly dependant upon the Lord. He walked through that season along with me... so beautifully close to me. Now that I'm in this new season- so content... so full of joy... so thankful... I miss the desperation I had for God before. I want to experience that same act of clinging to Jesus with the same intensity now, as I did in a season of pain. How do you cultivate that? It's easy to cultivate when you're in a hard season. All I know to do is to be continually thankful to him, and pray for grace to love and desire him as he should be loved and desired. He is so faithful. And I know he loves me. I know it.

I get messed up when I don't spend time with the Lord like I should. A friend once prayed over me something like this a few years back, "Lord, let her be miserable when she is not close to you". The Lord liked that prayer, and blessed me with the gift of being a messy, confused, anxious person when I don't seek the Lord like I know I should/need to. Again, I know he loves me. This is a sign of it for sure.

I want to open an orphanage one day. It most likely won't be anytime soon. I don't care where. Africa, Asia, South America, where ev. A place for children with essentially no hope of a future to be well educated, well fed, well cared for, well loved, and told their worth in Jesus Christ every single day. This is my dream. I hope it will happen one day... one day.

In the mean time, I am so thankful for the life the Lord has blessed me with. I want to do what he wants me to do. So for now, I'm taking it one day at a time. I don't want to miss a thing. I know he has good things in store for my life. He is a good God. So good.

Thank you God- I love my family. I love my friends. I love my church. I love my school. :)

2011 is so near. And I am so ready. Usually, New Years is a sad holiday for me, because I feel that it is ending a chapter (and forget a new one is beginning)... but this year, 2011 couldn't come sooner. I will be dancing, singing, laughing and praising Jesus. Literally. I am going to onething KC. :) The best part is I get to do this with my friends.

Now, to end with a little Jason.

And the world may think I'm crazy when I don't run with them
But it's just plain idolatry, when God can't have all of me

How much time will I keep wasting?
How much cheap wine will I keep tasting?

Been to town and now I'm back again

Tired of living for the pride of men

I want to live for the will of God
Oh Lord, I want to follow
With all of my mind, all my heart and all my soul
I want to follow you Oh Lord
-J.U.

 

thoughts at the library.

I've been sitting here in this lovely brown leather chair in the library for the past 3 to 4 hours going from homework, to facebook, to short naps, to occasional breaks to the bathroom, and brief conversations about vitamins and what to get our families for Christmas with the modest budgets we live off of. I am tired and just want to go home and sleep, but this week is filled with lots and lots of school work. I am trying to be responsible and get ahead in my work so I'm not overwhelmed this week. But, it's really hard to concentrate. Therefore, I am blogging and updating the world on my life- and by the world I mean, Jocelyn Berry, my one and only official blog follower. Thank you Jocelyn Berry for your dedication to my blog. Anyways, last night I went to a Christmas Ball.

I danced the night away. I wish there was a Christmas Ball every weekend... I feel as if dancing is a stress-reliever for me. Nothing else matters in that moment of techno music, crazy lights, sweaty people, and me flailing my arms around to the beat. Well, my little blog break is over- back to homework I go!

Weight of the World.

Sometimes (often, to be quite honest) I am overwhelmed by the suffering and sorrow in the world. Whether it's a teenager experiencing their first heartbreak or a starving child in Africa- it makes my heart ache, ache, ache. I feel as if the weight of the world rests upon my shoulders at times. I believe Sara Groves says (sings) it best saying, "Lord, I have a heavy burden of all I've seen and know. It's more than I can handle. But your word is burning like a fire shut up in my bones, and I can't let it go. Lord, it's all that I can't carry and cannot leave behind. It all can overwhelm me. But when I think of all who've gone before and lived a faithful life, their courage compels me. So when I'm weary and overwrought with so many battles left unfought... I think of Paul and Silas in the prison yard. I hear their song of freedom rising to the stars. I see the shepherd Moses in the Pharaoh's court. I hear his call for freedom for the people of the Lord. And when the saints go marching in, I want to be one of them". So what can one 22-year old woman do? I'm not quite sure yet... but I've got to do something. My heart longs for the Lord to make all things new- wipe every tear from their eyes. What a beautiful promise. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3qEjRLlL9iE

Indian Preacher Man

Church was especially good today. An Indian (India, not Native American :) ) native and missionary came and shared about his life and ministry. I love when missionaries come to visit and share. It seriously pumps me up. However, it also makes me feel so discontent. I go through those thoughts of feeling like I'm wasting my time and money when I could be on the mission field. The fact is, I won't have my bachelors degree until May 2013. Yikes! Ahhhh I just itch to leave the country sometimes. Just drop everything and leave. I did it once. And went to Cambodia for three months. I don't regret it. However, I don't foresee myself just dropping everything again and peacing out- at least not until I'm done with school. So, what do I do? Short term trips are practical. I guess I just don't like the feeling of being "tied down" with school. I try to remember Paul, John and Baptist and Jesus in these times because they too went through a long season of preparation. I just hope I'm doing the right thing, by being in school... spending thousands upon thousands of dollars hoping it will bring an open door for a job and ministry in the future. I just love Jesus and want to learn to fully embrace today, and also seize every opportunity given by Him. So, these are my thoughts for today :)

sea shell

I am not one to write poems (if that's what this is...)- it's simply just my heart.

I am a seashell
Being tossed from wave to wave
Crashing 'round by the inconsistencies of life
Sometimes I feel strong
At times, oh so weak
And sometimes I feel brave
Then at times, I cower in fear
At the top of the wave I am free- full of life and a moment of bliss
As it curls, I fight it in a panic
And crash to the bottom of the sea
Sometimes I'm full of faith
At times, I can't help but doubt
And sometimes I walk in grace
Then at times, I fight my fights alone
At the bottom of the sea I am pulled out to deep waters
Deeper, deeper
And in a sudden, rise up and get caught in the wave
Swiftly I rise to the top- full of life and a moment of bliss
Then it curls
Sometimes I'm so secure
At times, I don't know who I am
And sometimes I'm so content
Then at times, can't seem to live in the moment

Though life is inconsistent- in every way- there is one constant in my life.
He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

cling.

When I look back, my times of deepest pain and sorrow have also been my sweetest times with Jesus. To be in a place where nothing [nothing] can bring about any relief whatsoever but Jesus Christ. Even then, I wouldn't consider it "relief" but the only thing you have hope in to keep your heart beating. This may sound a bit dramatic- but, this is really how I've felt at times. Maybe you've been there before, and know what I'm talking about. If not, I hope you go there one day soon [as terribly painful as it is]- to experience truly clinging to Jesus. Clinging to Jesus.

Today, Jason Upton came to my school to do a short one-hour sharing and q&a time. It was so refreshing. It was all about Jesus. I think Christians would be so better off if every sermon was always pointed toward Jesus. The moment Jesus is reduced or eliminated, there are major problems. Jesus is everything. Jesus is who hung on the cross bearing my sin and shame. Jesus is the one who conquered death. And Jesus is the one returning for a [pure] bride with fire in his eyes. Keep my eyes focus on Jesus- the author and perfecter of my faith. There will always be something new to discover and learn about Jesus. Cultivating a wonder about God is so necessary for a Christian. 

Jesus is so real. 

he is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.

For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth

visible and invisible

whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities

all things were created by him and for him.

he is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 

and he is the head of the body, the church

he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead

so that in everything he might have the supremacy

for God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him and through him to reconcile to himself all things

whether things on earth or things in heaven 

by making peace through his blood shed on the cross

[to present you holy in his sight- without blemish and free from accusation]

Colossians 1:15-20;22

me and my chevy cavalier.

So, I'm used to making long road trips by myself, but today was particularly difficult. 

I just wanted someone in the passenger seat. A little company, you know?

Eight hours alone (and no cruise control) gets wearing. It would be much more delightful with a friend.

I did get to talk to my dear friend, Ashley. But, not for long for fear of my cell phone battery dying.

Also, stopping to get gas and snacks isn't nearly as fun alone. It's actually not fun... I am usually paranoid of being abducted or mugged. (notice the short phone conversation to save battery)

It is nice though sometimes to go on long road trips alone, because it gives me time to think and pray.

I try to pray more than I think. Sometimes, for me, the less thinking the better.  

I sang a lot. And widened my knowledge and variety of country music.  (reference blog forgiveness, joy and country music)

I took a new route, which was kind of exciting. 

I drove through the "Pickle Capital of the World" today (Mount Olive, NC).

I didn't know there was such a place until today- I feel pretty lucky to have seen it with my own eyes.

Again, an event that would have been much more fun with a friend. 

The trees became more and more beautiful as I drove north. It is fall for sure.

I left NC with the air conditioning on and arrived to MD with the heat on. 

It's amazing how tiring sitting in a car for eight hours is. 

Now that I'm home and ate some Chinese take-out with Mom and Dad, I'm gonna watch a movie with Mom. 

Tomorrows agenda: find Mom a dress for Sonny's wedding. 

My brother will be a married man in 17 days!

And my last words for this little blog- Thank you, Jesus. I am so thankful for the one sure thing that brings me peace and hope- Jesus Christ. 

Peace out.

forgiveness, joy and country music.

[forgiveness]

Reaching deep inside, swallowing your pride, and forgiving, brings freedom.

Thank you, Jesus. It is only because of the goodness of Jesus Christ that I have the grace to truly forgive.

Living with unforgiveness in your heart puts a thick brick wall between you and freedom [and joy].

Forgive those who have wronged you (whether they have asked forgiveness or not). Ask forgiveness to whom you feel necessary- if in doubt, it's better to just ask forgiveness than not. And, forgive yourself.

Then, close your eyes. Breathe deeply. And smile.

Be free. And full of joy.

 [joy]

I have come to realize that joy is not an emotion.

Joy is not happiness. Happiness can be a manifestation of joy. But it is not joy itself.

Joy is a fruit of the Spirit. Along with love. peace. patience. kindness. goodness. faithfulness. gentleness. self-control. 

None, which at its core, is an emotion. 

The fruits of the Spirit are character. 

(this all is huge for me... I'm truly learning what joy really is)

So, joy is character. Which has the potential to grow. or wither. 

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" James 1:2-3

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." Hebrews 12:2

Could joy be best defined in seasons of hardship? heartbreak? suffering? pain? mourning?

It seems so contradictory to what I've always believed joy to be. 

Joy, I believe, is very closely related to hope.

You hope in things that have not yet happened. Joy is a motivation behind hope.

So, joy may not just be laughs and smiles and bliss after all.

[country music]

Anyways, I've been listening to a lot of country/bluegrass/folk music. Which is kinda weird for me- I've never been into country music. But, I'm lovin it right now.

It gives me this homey, happy, sentimental feeling. I feel like I can relate to so many of the stories told in country music. I've caught myself saying "That's right, girl!" or "Amen" to certain songs. 

That's all I have to say for now :)

peace. life.

My heart has so much peace right now.

The cool air outside... sun brightly shining... a quiet home with a soft song playing in the background... and reflecting.

I have been so blessed.

The Lord has allowed times of complete fullness and bliss. He has also allowed times of complete emptiness and sorrow. He's been there through every moment. Every single second of my entire life. He's never not been there. Nothing comes into my life that is not allowed by Him. He has always been faithful. He will always be faithful. While I sit here and reflect on the good times and bad, I am filled with peace.

I am so. so. so. thankful I serve a good God.

Thank you, Jesus, for your goodness.

So life.

Virginia Beach is my new home.

I live on the ocean. Not just near the ocean... but on the ocean. It's a 2 minute walk away.

I live with two dear friends whom were also my roomies at the Honor Academy.

Regent University is my new school. Only three years til I graduate! [I can't think about it too long...].

I'm the education coordinator for International Justice Mission- Regent. Stop trafficking.

I go to a good church. Multi-cultural. [love that].

My [only] brother is getting married in 27 days. Whoa.

I will have a sister!

I have the greatest Mom and Dad in the world. The older I get the more I appreciate them.

I want to start planning my next out-of-the-country adventure. To take place in summer 2011.

Babysitting and practicum hours in a classroom bring me joy. I love watching little ones learn and grow.

My heart is messy. God is faithful.

broke.

...there's a sweetness when my heart is breaking
...there's a calmness when my soul is aching
...it is a God who can sympathize in my weakness

The heart is a messy thing. It can bring about revelation of complete truth. It can also deceive beyond belief. I have experienced both in full. The heart- what an amazing creation. Through everything my heart feels, thinks, believes, and wants to believe, I must compare it to God's Word. However, that does not mean I always do that. I am human. And recently, I experienced how human I really am- how prone I am to wonder. How easy it is to turn my back on truth. The brokenness I feel is overwhelming at times. And, the grace of God I experience is overwhelming at times. I know I serve a good God. I have experienced His grace and mercy in my life in new ways and for that, I am so thankful. My broken heart, my aching soul, will be healed. It will be restored. I am redeemed.

I wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror and speak truth. "I am God's daughter", "God is my defense", "I will walk in His grace and mercy today", "The Lord's blessings and goodness are all around me", "I am beautiful and desirable in His sight"... on and on and on. I've become so dependent on God- I've learned to lean on Him and lean on His truth everyday. The way I am describing this sounds wonderful... beautiful... like I am in a season of contentment- for what is better than leaning completely on the Lord? It is wonderful... and beautiful... I am content at times... but honestly, it is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. To trust God when there seems to be no hope in sight- but that's faith. God will do what he has to do to refine and purify His children... to grow in love and faith. To perfect, if you will, the fruits of the Spirit. So through this season of brokenness, hurt, and sometimes darkness- I am sure of one thing. I am a child of God. For He disciplines and teaches His children whom He loves.

Picture by: Cheryl Shibley