first thing's first.

The Lord has been graciously revealing himself to me in new ways recently. And it is shaking me to the core- in a very good way.

I can so easily make this journey I'm on (living the Christian life) something that it's not. I can so easily make other aspects of my faith more important than the one aspect that should always, consistently be first- loving God. Loving God in every way- with my mind, soul, heart and strength. Every part of my being should love God.  His Word is true. And, if I love God, I will in turn love people. If I can do these two things, I've got it. Everything else hangs on these two commands.

Understanding that He is returning for a pure and spotless bride is pivotal. The Lord has been giving me more of a revelation of this as well. It is so worth it for the Lord to shine His light in my heart to expose any darkness in it so it can be dealt with now. I am always in need to of His grace. It is His grace that exposes the sin in my heart. It is His grace that helps me to repent. It is His grace that helps me to receive forgiveness. And it is His grace that helps me to walk in righteousness. I want to be found pure and spotless in His sight when He returns. Grace, grace, grace. Thank you, Jesus, for your blood!

It's not about winning souls. It's not about a successful ministry. It's not about writing books or preaching sermons. It's about loving God with all that I am. It's all about the position of my heart. These things can be a reflection of a heart that truly loves God- but it's all about God. First thing's first. After all, He did say- Seek first the kingdom of heaven and all these things shall be added to you.

He wants love.

We are made in His image. We desire to be loved and wanted. So does He- it is the first commandment He gave us.

Lord, help me to love you rightly.

reminiscing february.

February has come and gone. Time seems to be going by oh too quickly. Though I am glad spring time is neeeaaaar!

Here are a few snapshots of the month of love...

We celebrated Superbowl. At our house it is an official holiday due to the two football (Steelers) fanatics I live with :)

I did a bit of nannying. They can play in the pop-up tent for hours.

lovely cookies

all my single ladies (cept Kelc:)

There were days the Holy Spirit hit us in the library...

There were warm days...

There were cold days...

our Life Group threw Melissa a little surprise B-day party... Happy B-day Melissa!

I got to see my first hockey game!

needless to say, we were excited.

Eric had a surprise B-day party too! Happy B-day Eric!

annnnnnd Kelcey got ENGAGED!

February, it's been real. March, lets do this!

warm days

Today, it is the perfect weather. Not cold. Not hot. Just right. With a soft breeze. Sun shining. I am once again thankful to live on the ocean. I haven't been down there for a while due to the bitter cold weather... but today, Vanessa and I ventured down there.

Vanessa whipped out her nice cam

snapped a little shot of us

this is literally a 2 minute walk away from my house.

got a shot of her getting a shot

flying birds

I love their reflection

thankful thankful thankful

mystery.

This may be jumbled. These are simply my thoughts this morning.

I am young. 22 years, 9 months and 17 days- to be exact. The more time goes by and the older I get, the more I learn about God. The more I learn about God, the more I learn how much I don't know about God. They mystery of God- the Trinity- God in the flesh, Jesus Christ- the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of me... wow. I lose sleep over this stuff.

God. Really became a man? yes.

Philippians 2:6-11. Really? yes.

God doesn't live in time. He's in the beginning, right now, and the end. In this very moment I type. Really? yes.

Jesus cried out to God in desperation before being arrested because he knew what was to come. He is a man. He is fully God. Really? yes.

The Holy Spirit is just as much God as the Father and the Son. Really? yes.

They're 3. They're 1. They're 1. They're 3. Really? yes.

These "really's" aren't doubt- they're simply grappling over and over and over trying to wrap my mind around these truths.

The one that gets me the most is Jesus- stepping down from heaven in all his authority and becoming a man. umm... an infant. helpless. what? really? whoa. He was a child, a teenager, a young adult. Jesus expanded the Kingdom of God on earth. He is why I share in this Kingdom- I have been grafted in. I'm not from Jewish descent. whoa. As I write this my mind is racing trying to somehow wrap my mind around this concept... but it can't. shesh. God himself- as a man- was the sacrifice so I could share in his Kingdom. He loves all mankind. He always has. From this point on I'll just be rambling... so I shall stop :)

I could write endlessly on this... the mysteries of God... and I'm only 22 years, 9 months, and 17 days old. There is so much more to discover.

nannying in the snow.

I dressed Blake up in all his snow gear and sent him outside to play. Maybe he'll tire himself out and take a nap later? :)

today, it snowed.

hi friends.

this is what I woke up to this morning.

It sure is pretty.

I wish snow brought me as much joy as it does dread. 

Regent had a 2 hour delay today- hooray!! To bad my class started at 10:30.... 

Running a tad bit behind, I approached my snow-covered car. I took a notebook out and scraped my windows clean. As I scraped off the first thick layer of snow the wind shifted and the snow completely covered me head to toe as I said out loud to myself, "really?" I proceeded to scrape and scrape and scrape and came to grips with the fact I'd be going to school wet today. I tossed my snowy notebook into the back of my car and got in... I put my head on the steering wheel knowing that only slushy, slick roads and scared, slow drivers were ahead of me on my trek from the oceanfront to Regent and prepared myself. I said, "God, please help me... I'm not very happy right now", and then started driving. The traffic was slow and at one point bumper to bumper. I passed several accidents as my heart broke knowing those peoples days were ruined (But, praise God there were no ambulances!). I pulled into the library parking lot a few minutes late, but thankfully finding parking was not a problem! I suppose many did not see the worth in venturing out in the snow for class, understandably. As soon as I got to class, I was able to relax and enjoy some Robert Frost. Now, I'm not one for literature and poems, but today I especially enjoyed it. Now that it is 12:40pm, I look back on my morning and I am disappointed in my pessimistic view and semi-bad attitude. The Lord is so good to me- what do I really have to complain about? Nothing. Praise God for his grace and his love for me! Today, is a good day :)

today, I nanny.

the end.

life is meant to be lived.

Short blog.

Here are my thoughts.

Looking at my planner- something I go nowhere without- I started to feel overwhelmed. Each day is packed full of lots to do. Now, there was a day where my days were packed full of absolutely nothing and longed for the day to have a scratched up planner again. I'm living in those days. So I quickly reminded myself, do not get overwhelmed! Life is meant to be lived! Right? So live it! Pack your days (with an occasional Sabbath- Lord knows we all need a Sabbath- it is good and biblical to rest). And pack it with purposeful things. Wake up early (something I am learning to do not necessarily by choice- but it is so good for me). Drink coffee (or tea...). And live live live. I love being in my 20s. I do not wish these moments away. I like school. I like church. I like nannying. I like meetings. I like friends. I like family. I like my life. So my advise- live. and thank God for your life. Embrace whatever season you're in. Even if it's a hard one :)

I have seen the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

The Lord does what he has to do to make you more like Him. If you truly love him and desire to be like him he will be faithful to refine you and sanctify you. And, most of the time, it hurts.

The Lord took me through a season of brokenness, confusion, and loneliness. This season was not short. It was about a year and a half total, intensifying month to month. I wasn't sure how much more I could handle. But God was faithful. And he knew what he was doing. 

The Lord had grace on me and helped me to chose to cling to him instead of other things during this season. There was such a sweetness in my relationship with God during this season. I felt I had only him. 

Vulnerability: I literally cried myself to sleep every night January to May- then again August to October in 2010. 

Jesus was there.

As I spent this season crying out to God- crying out the Psalms of desperation to him, because I truly identified with them...

To you I call, O Lord my Rock; do not turn a deaf ear to me. For if you remain silent, I will be like those who have gone down to the pit.

Be merciful to me, O Lord, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and body with grief.

I am worn out for groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears.

I was so thankful a man after God's own heart, David, felt such deep sorrow like I did. It was in crying these words out to God I didn't feel so alone. And I knew I wasn't going crazy :)

Though I could not see the end of this season- or knew if it would ever end- the Lord saw it. The beginning to the end. Of this season. Of my life. Of the entire world. God doesn't live in time. He is in the moment he created the world. And, he is in the moment he makes everything new. 

He was strategically isolating me to draw me into him. He was strategically allowing hardship in my life to press into him with more desperation. He was strategically opening and closing doors in my life to lead me into a new season.

Friends, I am in a new season. 

He has supplied all my needs. He has blessed me. And, he has made me new. I am new. I am not the same person I was this time last year. Praise God for his refining fire. It was all done in his love. 

I am more thankful than before.

I trust God more than before.

My view of his love has expanded.

My view of his sovereignty has expanded.

I have joy.

I have peace.

My weeping has turned to laughing.

My mourning into dancing. 

He redeemed and restored me.

This is real.

I am new.

I cried myself to sleep last night. Not tears of sorrow this time. Tears of thankfulness.

I can find no more words to express how thankful I am to Jesus. So, this is the end of my blog update.

non-stop new year.

The month of December flew by. So much to do in so little time. Every second was exhausted. For New Years, me and a few friends made our way to Kansas City, MO for the onething IHOP conference. It was quite the adventure getting there, being there, and getting home- but I'm not going to go through all the ins and outs of that. Instead, I'll just show you a few pictures...

We saw a beautiful frosty sunrise in Illinios...

Saw the Arch in St. Louis...

snapped an awesome pic at the conference...

saw my good friend, Courtney...

had fun watching the sun set by a bridge...

let Eric do his daily exercises...

had a little photo shoot with one of my dearest friends...

Sonny and Sarah even came!...

we met Superman...

and also met Elvis in Nashville.

I am so thankful for all the fun I've had. 

I feel blessed to have gone to onething again this year. I had been praying for a way to go, and the Lord worked everything out- He is faithful... even about wanting to go to a conference. There is nothing too small for the love of God (Corrie Ten Boom...). 

The conference wasn't life changing or anything like that for me- but it was so, so, so refreshing. It was exactly what my heart needed. The reality of Jesus Christ as a man was a theme throughout the conference (at least to me). One song we sang, very simple, but so powerful brought me to tears, God, you became a man. You put on flesh. You're so beautiful. Wow. You read it but really just think about that for a few minutes. God. became a man. Jesus is so worthy. 

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Hebrews 4:15

It is so comforting to know that the God I serve knows what it's like to live here on the earth- to be human- subject to sin. Thank you, God.

I could go on and on and on. My heart is so full right now. Knowing where I was a year ago and where I am today is a testimony of the grace, mercy, and love of God in my life. He is so real to me and I love Him. I am excited about 2011 and I truly believe the Lord has some great things in store for my life this year. So with His grace to be faithful, I will follow Him. Let's go 2011!!